Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
