quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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