then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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