Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
