at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
