i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
