So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
