see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
