Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
