My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
