I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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