honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
