i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
