I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
