did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk is not a location!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
