thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
