he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
