Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
