i love accidental penises.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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