I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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