he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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