dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you inspire me to be a worse person
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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