i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
