paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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