how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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