Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
