You just made me feel so damn special
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
