Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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