he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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