Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize