I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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