I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
