I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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