is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
