Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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