The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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