I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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