OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
