I got chris browned last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
