I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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