upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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