he told me I talked like a deaf person
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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