i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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