yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
