So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
