It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
