my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize