New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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