it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
