At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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