I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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