Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize