Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
