Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ok first of all what the fuck
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
