She told me I should be a condom model.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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