Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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