idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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