This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
