girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
