Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
