She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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