it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
