I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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