**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
