i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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