you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
