Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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