Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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