went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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