If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
