I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
